Curtains open. Scientist in lab, working on time machine (the core). Stood behind desk, hands underneath, rubbing bottle.
Act 1, scene 1
NEIL: Kate! Come quickly, I’m having some trouble!
Kate comes rushing in stage right to see scientist with bottle under desk.
KATE: I know your problem I’ve seen it many times before. Let me try!
Kate rubs the bottle harder.
Put bottle down and it fizzes over.
NEIL: Come and look at my time machine, I call it The Core!
They walk towards the left of the stage.
Act 1, scene 2
They walk towards left of stage.
Neil stands next to the time machine.
KATE: Isn’t it big!
NEIL: Would you like to take it for a ride?
Curtains open with carry on styled jingle. The lighting would just be plain, full lights facing towards the stage.
When Neil is shaking the bottle we will have a glass bottle with a cork as the lid. Inside the bottle we will have bicarbonate of soda and vinegar so when the cork is released the mixture will react and fizz over the bottle.
Neil opens the door to the time machine inviting Kate in.
They step into the machine.
KATE: It’s a tight squeeze.
NEIL: It’s small but effective!
KATE: Turn it on!
Time machine makes sounds and shakes vigorously.
KATE: Ahhh, move a little to the right, ohhh to the left, Argh you’re sat on my arm.
NIEL: Look out below I’m coming.
ACT 2, SCENE 1
In A Victorian street, Neil and Kate stagger out looking stunned and exhausted.
NEIL: My time machine worked.
KATE: That was great.
Kate fiddling with skirt and Neil looking around confused.
NEIL: Where the hell are we!
KATE: You don’t know where we are.
Kate grabs hold of Neil and tells him in his face.
NEIL: Slight miscalculation.
When the time machine starts the regular lights will turn off and the coloured lights will flash speedily and alternately.
Smoke will also be pumped onto stage.
We will have music to symbolise the “Core” moving through time. We will have music from the Queen album, a song called “I’m going slightly mad.”
Curtains close and music fades.
Curtains reopen to a Victorian street. Sounds of a neighbourhood in background and people walking, chatting etc.
NEIL: I was only supposed to go back a year, not a century. Sorry!
.Kate angry. People looking suspicious. Neil sees a fat Victorian woman and a market worker with basket of apples walking on from left of stage.
NEIL: I wouldn’t mind giving her one!
KATE: You what!?
NEIL: A basket of fruit from that stall. She needs to shed a few pounds, fat cow.
NEIL: I think we need to change out of these clothes. I’ve got a wardrobe in the core.
They both walk swiftly back to the core, right of stage.
ACT 2, SCENE 2
Changing clothes in time machine in a large wardrobe.
KATE: Ohh! I didn’t know you were so long.
Kate measuring inside of Neil’s leg. Neil covering privates.
Market worker and Victorian woman walk on together but with a slight delay between them.
Neil nods towards the woman who is stood near the market worker.
Neil realising people are staring at their foreign clothes.
Inside a large wardrobe, racks of trousers, t-shirts etc around them.
KATE: I would have guessed 29 inch with your clothes on, but it’s a good 34 without.
Neil grabs nearest pair of trousers and covers up. Kate begin to undress. She bends over and block out the light with her backside.
NEIL: (Overvoice) Who put the light out?
KATE: Does my bum look big in this?
NEIL: No dear you look fine!
Neil looks away laughing to himself.
Act 3, scene 1
Town crier on street shouting.
Kate and Neil run out of core after hearing him shout.
Crier: All to know, the queen’s birthday hath arrived. All local merchants must present to her majesty a gift of your own will by noon today.
KATE: Oh my god! A gift? Have you got anything in the core to give her?
Neil rushes in the core and comes running out with an ab ball and pump.
Light at the same brightness throughout stage. A lamp is place on stage with Kate stood next to it. When Kate stands in front of it, the main lights dim showing that she is blocking out the light, on the que of Neil line(who put the light out.)
Neil and Kate still inside time machine and look up when they hear the town crier calling and run out to see what the commotion is about.
Kate looking frantic, nervous as Neil runs into time machine.
NEIL: This is all I could find! But it will have to do.
Neil start to pump up ab ball
KATE: Pump faster, faster harder, harder. We only have ten minutes left. It will have to be a quickie.
They rush toward palace, right of stage. Curtains close then re-open in the palace courtyard.
Act 3, scene 2
Queen on throne looking bored and yawning. Servants, advisors etc standing around. Queue of people handing gifts over Neil and Kate at back of queue. They give the queen the gift and bow.
QUEEN: It’s beautiful, magnificent. The best gift ever!
She reads name on ball.
QUEEN: It’s an ab ball! I love it, I love it , I love it. What’s an ab ball?
NEIL: May I demonstrate Madame?
Neil demonstrates and queen lays on it and has a go herself.
QUEEN: Ohh it’s stiff and firm, and I love the feel of this strange material.
The song called “Holding out for a hero” Starts to play when he begins to pump up the ab ball. Also we would project a large clock onto back of stage to show seconds counting down. Kate and Neil frantic. The music fades when they run off stage.
When curtains re-open Kate and Neil will return on stage with a fully inflated ab ball.
In the background there will be chatting among advisors and soft historical music.
When queen receives gift she jumps up in delight and excitement.
Queen watches in delight and starts to feel and squeeze the ab ball.
NEIL: Ahh! That’s called latex your majesty.
QUEEN: Latex! Marvellous. Ohh I fancy a gown made of this!
Queen on ab ball with legs up in air. Neil stood behind her looking at fish monger.
NEIL: WOOOOO! Tuna fish baby.
FISH MONGER: Tuna, tuna you want tuna, who ordered tuna?
Queen stands up and pulls up her top showing her six pack .
QUEEN: Just look at my six pack, talk about instant effects.
KATE: This is so boring we need some music to work out to.
They all rip off clothes revealing sports clothes underneath. All begin to do a dance routine.
Act 4, scene 1
Back in time machine, in bed together.
KATE: Oooh Neil I could have sworn it was bigger.
Queen looking over at advisors stroking ab ball.
Fish monger looks startled and picks up a tuna fish.
Person playing queen wears a false six pack body suit.
Queen stroking her six pack.
Dancers will walk onto stage wearing leotards and pull the actors clothes off revealing leotards. There will also be a Jane Fonder look a like leading a warm up. And the song “under pressure” by queen playing. Dominating the feel of the atmosphere. Jane Fonder shouting words of encouragement to the actors. E.g feel the burn, no pain no gain.
Neil and Kate under covers.
NEIL: We can’t all be perfect, its not my fault I have a small big toe.
Neil staring at Kate.
NEIL: I thought the queen was quite fit for her age compared with most people.
KATE: What are you trying to say you cheeky bugger!
Act 5, scene 1
Kate and Neil have just landed back in the lab.
NEIL: I’m so glad to be home, back where everything is normal.
Neil and Kate have a big hug.
KATE: Me too, let’s go get something to eat, I fancy a McDonalds.
Neil and Kate walk onto street to go to Mc Donald’s. Stand freeze frame staring at passers by.
NEIL: Look at everybody; they are all so thin and fit. I haven’t seen one person over ten stone. There are no burger bars.
KATE: They’re all salad bars.
Neil and Kate looking at each other confused and annoyed.
At this line, Neil and Kate pop out from under covers. Neil looking insulted.
For maximum Kate slaps Neil around the face. Kate runs of stage, Neil turns to crowd, looks shocked and follows Kate off stage.
Curtains open and the queen song plays again
Neil and Kate walking through street surrounded by fitness freaks wearing latex and working out on ab balls and dumbbells in the middle of the street. Or eating salad and fruit.
Kate staring at passers by in astonishment at their latex outfits.
KATE: I feel like a beach whale. Get me one of those ab balls.
Kate grabs and shakes Neil.
NEIL: Well you’re going to need it if you’re going to keep up with the latest competition.
Kate looks over at Neil in disgust, she gasps and slaps him on the arm.
Neil brings on ab ball.
Play finishes with Kate working out on the ab ball(sweating).
A creation by Rosie Wogan
Kate distraught and sobbing, then gets serious and grabs Neil.
The lights dim and play finishes with Kate on ab ball with the same song as in Act 3, scene 2.