of Abusers in Domestic Violence



of Abusers in Domestic Violence

            Domestic violence refers to a person’s aggressive
behavior against his or her partner in their relationship (Wilson, 2009). It
involves both emotional and physical violations and the abusive partner tends
to control the other. Most of the victims of domestic violence are women
although both women and men can be abused. Incase children are involved in the
abusive relationship; they are subjected to emotional trauma or psychological
problems because it is usually a disturbing ordeal. The abuser manipulates,
threatens and intimidates the partner for personal satisfaction (Wilson, 2009).
He or she lacks the ability to manage anger although some people believe that
in some cases the victim provokes the abuser to act violently. Certain
psychological, economic, social and cultural factors instigate domestic
violence; making it to be regarded as a learned behavior. Perpetrators are
often exposed to violent environments, either from childhood observations or
from the immediate community, before they develop actions of domestic violence.
Characters of abusers in domestic violence include hypersensitivity, jealousy,
verbal abuse, unrealistic expectations, physical violence, they tend to isolate
victims from social support and they practice alcohol or substance abuse (Wilson,

.           An abuser in a relationship often uses his or her jealousy
to show that he or she has a strong emotional connection to the victim (Lowenstein,
2005). Abusers often complain vehemently when they see their partners with
people of the opposite sex even if there are no ill-motives. They become
obsessive as they insist on controlling their partners’ daily schedules. They
also question their partners concerning who they spoke to or saw during the day
and they call quite frequently or trace their partners. Abusers always fear
that their partners might but their jealousy is more inclined to a sense of
insecurity. Another character of abusers is hypersensitivity. They become
extremely annoyed at any slight setback and they claim that they are taken for
granted. They become extremely annoyed at any slight setback and they claim
that they are taken for granted. When situations are difficult or negative,
abusers in domestic violence blame their partners and perceive the incidents as
personal attacks towards them. They always complain about the injustices they
face in the situations without considering the perspectives or intentions of
their partners. For this reason, they engage in physical violence or

            Verbal abuse is also a common character among abusers.
They say uncouth things to deliberately hurt or offend their partners. He or
she degrades the partner to make him or her feel useless or worthless. Abusers
belittle their partners’ accomplishments and make them feel like they are
unable to function. They shout at the innocent partners, using their weaknesses
against them. Most of the hurtful words reflect their partners’ secrets that
they had knowledge of when the partners confided in them earlier in the
relationship. Abusers also elicit unrealistic expectations in their
relationships. They expect their partners to take charge in providing for
everything and meeting all the needs in the relationship. They use reverse
psychology and emotional blackmail to compel their partners to do everything
for them, including their own mess (Wilson, 2009). In the same line expecting
unrealistic actions, the abusers depict low self-esteem and still blame their
partners about how they feel.

            Abusers are usually physically violent. If their partners
are keen, they will discover that they have a history of physical abuse in past
relationships (Wilson, 2009). They hit their partners or throw objects at them
because of their violent temper. They also use sex as a form of aggression
rather than a mutual agreement. They can also punish animals or children
brutally because of the unrealistic expectations and mood influx (Zoldak, 2009).
They view children as small adults and expect them to act in a responsible way.
If they do not, the abusers punish them violently and continue to force them to
act beyond their abilities. In most cases, once the abusers inflict physical
pain on their partners, they expect them to be silent about the ordeal and they
try to talk them into believing that it was their fault. The talk also involves
threats of hurting them again. To cover up the incident, the abusers
participate in looking for medical help if the innocent partners developed
major injuries from the violent acts.

            Abusers also tend to isolate victims from their friends
and families. Since they are obsessive, they want full attention from their
partners and they are mostly afraid that their partners will expose them to their
close ones. They usually portray a normal picture when in public in such a way
that people think there are no problems in the relationship. On the other hand,
they are aggressive and violent when they return to their private setting. In
this case, they depict two opposite personalities (Lowenstein, 2005). They
curtail their partners’ social interaction. They demand that they go places
together with their partners. They may manipulate the emotions of their
partners as a way of victimizing themselves when they say they are not loved or
rejected if their partners show emotional connections to their parents or
brothers and sisters (Wilson, 2009). They also argue that their partners’
friends intend to cause trouble in the relationships. They trace their partners’
mobile phones and other devices to confirm if they are in touch with their
families and friends. If so, they become extremely angry to the point of

            Most abusers practice alcohol or substance abuse. They
indulge in excessive intake of such substances which in the long run impair
their ability to make sound decisions. Drinking and abuse of substances may not
necessarily imply that an individual is abusive but they increase the risks of
violence in a relationship. Most men who are enrolled in batterer intervention
programs also have substance abuse issues (Lowenstein, 2005). Apart from
impairing their ability to make sound decisions, substance abuse enhances
violent actions. In some relationships that are based on alcohol or substance
aggression, the abuser is in search of a power status. It increases the
abuser’s sense of domination and personal power.

abuse also instigates fear and weakness among the innocent victims. Both the
abuser and the victim can fall into depression because continuous assault
affects their psychology (Zoldak, 2009). The victim may be depressed because of
difficulty in coping through the violent relationship while the abuser may also
suffer from underlying issues (Lowenstein, 2005). In some instances, the abusers
force their partners to indulge in substance abuse so that they can feel that
they are not alone in the process. The victims may also resort to substance
abuse as a way of coping with the constant maltreatment they experience in the
relationship. The relationship of substance abuse and domestic violence is
complex but the prevalence of domestic violence shows their concurrence in
major cases.











L. F. (2005). Domestic violence recent research (2004-2005). Police Journal, 78 (2), 147-157.

M. (2009). Domestic violence.
Detroit: Greenhaven Press.

J. (2009). When danger hits home:
Survivors of domestic violence. Philadelphia: Mason Crest Publishers.

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