I come from a family of six, and this year, and three of us have been attending college. I have been attending an Evangelical Presbyterian church for all my life, but I must admit that I’m a struggling Christian. I had seeked God through the weekly Sunday school, small group bible studies, Christian summer camps (IHOP, Pineview, Knox), and a summer mission trip to a homeless shelter. Sometimes I thought that God didn’t matter. I admit that my thinking caused me to climb on top and take reality for ride, sometimes hurting others.

Most of every time I was thrown off, I would end up saying “I’m sorry”, to myself and usually to others. I ran out of excuses to not be myself and started thinking about “who am I?” and “what do I do?”. Eventually I decided to stay and luxuriate in a life that I know that I’ve chosen, a life of college and pursuing God. However, I still don’t always feel His presence and feel selfish whenever I pray for His help. The local Korean churches have provide more opportunities for me to become connected through daily devotions and bible studies in a Christian learning community. I went on multiple retreats with my church friends last semester and was able to enjoy God’s creation. Calvin College has also provided me the take an interim class thinking beautifully about mathematics. In that class, I learned about the beauty that God created and how all our efforts to learn more about his creation puts us closer to him.

This class personally has expanded my thinking about the importance of our individual attempts to understand God in the things around us. I really want to discover God and develop a deeper & genuine relationship with Him.I really expanded my thinking during interim break where I had nothing to do for a whole week since my friends had left. I was able to understand God’s beauty in us as individuals better after reading multiple comic books. Thermodynamic miracles with probabilities so tiny that their occurrence is basically impossible, like carbon spontaneously turning into silver. Other events that we won’t even discover, events so tiny, events so fast, events that could be hardly said to have occurred at all, would be priceless to witness.

Yet, in each family, around 100 million sperm all compete for one egg. Multiply those probabilities by countless generations against the probabilities of the survival of your ancestors, finding each other on 196.9 million miles squared of land and raising this exact son or daughter.

A mother who loves a man who she has every reason to hate and a 100 million sperm competing for fertilization, it was I who emerged. To create such a specific thing from such a low probable event, is on the same level as carbon turning into silver spontaneously. Yet since we could say this about everybody it isn’t special.

And yes, the world is filled with people, so crowded with miracles that they become so common that I forget. We gaze continually at our surroundings and it grows dull in our perceptions. Yet seen from another’s vantage point, new, it may still surprise us.

For we are all rarer than a quark, more unpredictable than Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle.As a college freshman about to embark on the next stage of life full of miracles waiting for me to discover, I am eager to get a good start. Any scholarships will help my foundations and prepare me for the exciting adventures of college that await me.

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I'm Colleen!

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